Memories of my Melancholy Chores (Fable - Pt 12)
Once upon a time, in Bombay, lived The Town Princess. In the highest floor of the highest penthouse. She was stunningly gorgeous, tall and thin. She had the prettiest clothes from the hottest designers, tonnes of jewellery, and an infinite number of shoes and bags. She led a charmed life. Everyone knew her and everyone envied her. She was featured on magazine covers. She was invited to all the parties, and she was the belle of the ball. She threw some of the best ones too. And sometimes, when she thought she needed a little change (pun intended) she modeled and she acted. She never worried about anything. She knew all the right people to make those all-important phone calls for her. And all the right people clamored for her attention.
***
Bombay. 4 A.M. But then, the city never sleeps, or stops or some such line about Bombay, That Woman couldn’t really be too bothered to recall. It was an early morning shoot for a music video. And there was a minor traffic jam on the Western Express Highway. At 4 AM.
That Woman sat in the cab, suddenly surprised at her nonchalance about the traffic jam. This should have unsettled her. But it didn’t! Was THAT happening to her too? Had she too just become a Bombay Convert? The thought shocked her. And she discovered, perhaps not surprisingly, the stages of becoming a Bombay Convert correspond exactly with the five stages of dealing with death.
Stage One: Denial and Isolation
It is not uncommon, upon moving from New Delhi, where there are seasons and healthy, plus sized women, to a concrete jungle like Bombay, where there are floods, Bollywood and local trains, for a person to feel lost and alone. As if the world is closing in on you, squashing you into a little metal box, when in reality you’re just stuck in traffic behind a bunch of other Bombay Converts waiting for a left-turn arrow that doesn’t exist.
Denial is one way of dealing with this adjustment. Pretend it’s only temporary. You’re just checking things out. You’ll give it a year and see what happens. This stage is marked by a lack of furniture in your apartment.
Stage Two: Anger
Is what you feel in great amounts when you learn what it takes to survive in Bombay and Bollywood. Why do I need to schmooze with irritating, uneducated people? Why do I need to say nice things to an actress or actor when I don’t want to? Why are the rents so steep for a 300 sq. ft. hovel in Bandra? Why is there no market for a non-commercial short film on Urban Angst and Architecture? Why is there a huge market for a commercial show about a warped joint family? How thin do you have to be to go to the gym? When is rush hour? Why isn’t Citibank, Juhu a good landmark?
This is a necessary, if unpleasant stage. This is a stage when a ‘Godfather figure’ would be helpful, but chances are you will scare yours off. Or, he may demand sex in return. Your first real job will be directing a television show that only your parents will watch. This is the stage during which many people become angst-ridden “art film” actors, or K soap directors, or bad item number girls.
Stage Three: Bargaining
Once you’ve worn a sweater in Bombay, leaving it is no longer an option. You now have to make this work, which means rationalizing participation in everything you’ve been making fun of.
You will write or direct something “crappy but commercial” but vow that your next project will be from the heart. You will appreciate the importance of item numbers in films. You will see a numerologist, but just for kicks (because a high & mighty movie producer insists and you can’t say no!) who tells you to add five various alphabets to your name and that from that point on, you will only date “men with the initials J, P or R”. You will rent a semi-furnished apartment, but you still won’t buy your own furniture. You will think about taking a local train. You go to a club and don’t cringe when they play the latest Bollywood hit song. You stop naming Citibank, Juhu as a landmark and instead say, “Amitabh Bachchan’s house” without batting an eyelid. You will go on the Bandra flyover and marvel at the smog, which you will start calling “hazy sunshine”.
Stage Four: Depression
This stage usually occurs around the holidays. Specifically holidays you have to work through. It is often occasioned by the sight of people buying Diwali goodies and shops selling them. You will miss home, your family, your friends, and those wide roads on which you used to drive. You’ll wonder if it’s all worth it. Whether you’re beginning to watch the credits more closely than the movie. Whether “having arrived” means being married at least twice and getting horribly addicted to something and going for an Art of Living course where you’ll find true love. You will try to express this to a Bombay friend who will say, “You know, that would make a great movie!” This, more than any other phrase, is what will drive you to vipassana where no one spoke for 10 days!
Stage Five: Acceptance
When your commercial project is a hit, it will slowly dawn on you that perhaps your non-commercial ideas are non-commercial because they suck. You will actively lend your pearls of wisdom to fine tune Bollywood kitsch. You will accept that K-k-u-s-s-u-m is a legitimate spelling. You will unapologetically toss around terms like ‘item number’, ‘vada-pav’ and ‘hit and flop’. You will finally admit that you live in Bombay – even to your bank. You will go to a club and they’ll play the song for which you’ve made the video. You’ll stand on the table and dance! You will have one moment of wistfulness each time you’d drive by the sea at sunset and see a huge film poster about Loving Forever. Even though you don’t have a boyfriend or any real prospects for a relationship – initials J, P, R or otherwise.
Your house will be home to little knick-knacks you’ll start picking up on shopping sprees. Some nights you will shoot till 3 AM and leave tired and jumpy from all the tea, swearing never to have vada-pav again. And you’ll realize that somehow, despite everything, you’ve grown to like it here. And as that thought warms and frightens you, you’re going for a shoot at 4 AM on the Western Express Highway, where, amazingly, there will be a traffic jam.
***
One day, when The Town Princess thought life couldn’t be any better, it suddenly did! She fell in love with the Sexiest Bachelor Around. Everyone was shocked! Everyone watched in awe wherever the stunning couple went. Sexiest Bachelor Around was indeed that. Tall, lean, a naughty smile, an evil glint in the eye, a voice to die for and ready humor. He was ALL a girl wanted and more. He was what the girls dreamed about all over the country. His dance moves were copied by everyone. His clothes became style statements. He was keenly watched by the media and the people. He was their blue-eyed wonder boy, who couldn’t do anything wrong. Everyone loved him. And when he was suddenly seen with The Town Princess, he broke a million hearts.
They made a stunning couple. They made people stop and stare wherever they went. They always seemed enclosed in a magic circle no one could touch or reach. The Town Princess had really never been happier…
***
Wannabe Diva Actress showed up two hours late. Threw a tantrum about the clothes she was supposed to wear. Gave everyone a hard time due to some existential angst she suffered on account of Fake Bubbly Actress and was currently on a major casting couch power trip never before seen in Bollywood! Redefining the battle of the sexes her own way AND…AND… getting better and better roles as days went by as well as getting ALL roles meant for Fake Bubbly Actress. AND especially the ones opposite Sexiest Bachelor Around. Shutting up all those who criticized!
“Is he still seeing The Town Princess?” she asked the stylist.
“So we hear,” stylist replied. “You could be The Town Princess too, you know, the way your career is going,” the stylist plodded on.
“No, dah’ling!” Wannabe Diva Actress lit a cigarette and smiled. “I don’t want to be Town Princess ‘cos I’m focusing on my career seriously now. Besides, who really cares for her? Her films come and go and no one even realizes. …She’s better known for the men she sees.”
“But she does manage to see the best of the lot!” The stylist couldn’t help point out. Wannabe Diva Actress just shrugged and smoked.
That Woman got extremely irritated by this conversation. Actors always irritated her. They were a necessary evil to help the business of filmmaking thrive. They were not like normal mortals. They were an unusual combination with something vital missing and something extra added. Sexiest Bachelor Around was a case in point. He was right up there. Not as accessible as he seemed. She always felt that if you touched him he’d really turn to dust. Most others just gave that impression!
***
He was a study in persistence and charm. He’d been around for a long time. He’d been written off by many. Everyone said he had potential. But it just took ages to show up. Then one day, he sang a song and played a part. Suddenly everyone looked up and took notice! He was now the blue-eyed boy. No longer the underdog. He’d survived a public heartbreak too and became the Sexiest Bachelor Around. No, it had not been easy. And exactly why he was enjoying it so much! Yes, he had a right! He was the toast of the party circuit. He was given beautiful clothes, beautiful cars, expensive watches, and expensive toys to amuse himself with. He was smarter than others though. It wasn’t long before his paths crossed with The Town Princess. Together they blinded the world with their combined aura.
The Town Princess on the other hand was different. She’d once been a small girl in a small town dreaming of a fantasy world. Till she grew up and realized it was possible. It was possible because she looked a certain way, and hadn’t really sold her soul. Luxury brands and corporates wooed her. They wanted her to wear their clothes, their shoes, their watches, their jewellery, drive their cars, use their mobile phones, attend their parties, throw her own which they were more than willing to pay for. She loved the charmed life! She fit right into it. But she was not as cold and calculating as others in her place would be. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She believed in love. Her biggest mistake? She looked for it in actors. She’d survived two heartbreaks. She didn’t let those deter her. She held her head high and moved on. Sexiest Bachelor Around was the cherry on her fairy tale life cake.
***
That Woman had grown up on fairy tales too. And like most women her age, she considered fairy tale princesses to be air-headed bimbettes. If only they’d use their brains, they wouldn’t have to go through so much melodrama to find a man. She now had a new perspective to fairy tales. What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a savings account and moved on with her life?
Pack up! On her way out, she saw Tall Lean Superstar with a starlet, heading to his vanity van. She smiled and pretended not to notice the girl. She remembered an article on Tall Lean Superstar’s pregnant wife in a magazine. And then, there was a man standing at the door who approached her hesitantly. “Have you packed up yet?” he asked. He looked like someone who worked in a bank. “I’m here to pick up my wife.” The wife was the starlet. That Woman sighed. Lied.
“I think she’ll take another half hour.”
All in a day’s work! Bombay did that to you. It was like watching a movie preview. If the film is bad, you leave like you collectively flopped as an audience and perhaps you were having an off night.
She saw a huge hoarding of Sexiest Bachelor Around in his latest film. She smiled. He looked awesome. And him and The Town Princess looked stunning together.
***
The Town Princess’s world came crashing down around her. She had survived the first two heartbreaks. The third one left her numb and listless. Sexiest Bachelor Around broke up with her. He never was in love with her, it seemed. It was a chance relationship that had happened when the two people found themselves miraculously in the same spotlight. It was convenient. It made gossip column headlines. He was now seeing someone with whom he’d make front page headlines! He knew how to play it. He’d grown up watching it all around him. He’d learned from other actors’ mistakes. No public outbursts for him. No overt Public Displays of Affection. His booty calls never got to the press.
The Town Princess broke down. She had stupidly and idiotically not seen it coming. Not prepared herself for this. She was now a damsel in depression. She stopped going out, meeting people, being seen. Sexiest Bachelor Around sang another song, played another part and stole the limelight. No one noticed the absence of The Town Princess for some time. Then the luxury houses and the corporates realized she was missing in action. They queued up at her door. Sweet-talking, cajoling and pleading with her to get back to her old self. When this failed, they got worried, confused, and finally angry. They queued up at her door again. This time with copies of the contracts she had signed when she became The Town Princess. She didn’t have a choice. She had to ‘do the Princess’ till the contract period was over. She gave in.
***
That Woman was a bit surprised when she heard. You had to get your bearings right. Most people fell for the fairy tales without reading the caveat. And reading the caveats made you more calculating and colder. She felt bad for The Town Princess, but that was all. Her own life wasn’t all that great. She realized she had a thing for heartbreaks. She had survived a couple of them. Was embarking upon another already. She was falling in love with someone who didn’t care if she lived or died. She knew this was when her intelligence, logic and reasoning defied her. She couldn’t do a thing! It hurt worse than the worst root canal. But she couldn’t do a thing! She had dated people she didn’t particularly like. Maybe this was Bad Dating Karma catching up. Someday, you had to be on the receiving end. She laughed at herself. Just as Bombay was the irony of having read the finest literature and authors in the world and speaking only of the weather and bad roads. It was the irony of her life too. Maybe some people are never meant to have soulmates. Only a closet full of skeletons.
The cameraman shouted at her from across the room to announce he was ready. She looked around sheepishly. Breaking into such a reverie was a luxury she couldn’t afford.
***
The Town Princess was the star at a big fashion show. On the ramp. She was closing the show. She wore the extravagantly lavish bridal wear, with antique diamond jewellery and tried not think about how heavy the outfit was. The show had ended but for the finale. The lights dimmed and only the sponsor logos glowed. The spotlight came on and The Town Princess stepped on the ramp to the sound of resounding applause. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Her smile dazzled all. Everyone gasped at the brilliant outfit. No one noticed her eyes. Where her heartbreak showed.
Sitting in the front row was the guest of honor - Sexiest Bachelor Around. He never looked up at her. He seemed far too busy SMSing on his cellphone.
She wanted to run. She stopped a foot away from him. Smiled wider still for the dozens of photographers. He never looked up. She wished she could disappear. She turned and posed again. And then, slowly, she walked back on the ramp as the lights faded slowly into complete darkness.
Then all the lights came on simultaneously. Sexiest Bachelor Around applauded enthusiastically and hugged the designer. Not a hint of the past reflected.
Was it really all well just because it had ended well?
***
Bombay is one huge impending deadline and a barrage of new assignments, and if there is anyplace that will make you feel guilty for not getting around to something, it’s Bombay.
Wannabe Diva Actress sat gloating. Her new film was a hit. And to top it all, the luxury houses and corporates had started lining up at her doorstep. She was enjoying her moment in the spotlight. She was not going to go on a contract signing spree. She chose only one brand. Her reason? That was the same brand Fake Bubbly Actress endorsed too. Her agenda was all set.
Bombay allowed you to be Machiavellian. It never judged you, even though you did feel judged every moment of the day. If you came out victorious, that was all that mattered.
Bombay had time and space for everyone to have their 15 minutes of fame. No wonder the city never slept or stopped.
This was the real Mumbai Marathon.
***
Bombay. 4 A.M. But then, the city never sleeps, or stops or some such line about Bombay, That Woman couldn’t really be too bothered to recall. It was an early morning shoot for a music video. And there was a minor traffic jam on the Western Express Highway. At 4 AM.
That Woman sat in the cab, suddenly surprised at her nonchalance about the traffic jam. This should have unsettled her. But it didn’t! Was THAT happening to her too? Had she too just become a Bombay Convert? The thought shocked her. And she discovered, perhaps not surprisingly, the stages of becoming a Bombay Convert correspond exactly with the five stages of dealing with death.
Stage One: Denial and Isolation
It is not uncommon, upon moving from New Delhi, where there are seasons and healthy, plus sized women, to a concrete jungle like Bombay, where there are floods, Bollywood and local trains, for a person to feel lost and alone. As if the world is closing in on you, squashing you into a little metal box, when in reality you’re just stuck in traffic behind a bunch of other Bombay Converts waiting for a left-turn arrow that doesn’t exist.
Denial is one way of dealing with this adjustment. Pretend it’s only temporary. You’re just checking things out. You’ll give it a year and see what happens. This stage is marked by a lack of furniture in your apartment.
Stage Two: Anger
Is what you feel in great amounts when you learn what it takes to survive in Bombay and Bollywood. Why do I need to schmooze with irritating, uneducated people? Why do I need to say nice things to an actress or actor when I don’t want to? Why are the rents so steep for a 300 sq. ft. hovel in Bandra? Why is there no market for a non-commercial short film on Urban Angst and Architecture? Why is there a huge market for a commercial show about a warped joint family? How thin do you have to be to go to the gym? When is rush hour? Why isn’t Citibank, Juhu a good landmark?
This is a necessary, if unpleasant stage. This is a stage when a ‘Godfather figure’ would be helpful, but chances are you will scare yours off. Or, he may demand sex in return. Your first real job will be directing a television show that only your parents will watch. This is the stage during which many people become angst-ridden “art film” actors, or K soap directors, or bad item number girls.
Stage Three: Bargaining
Once you’ve worn a sweater in Bombay, leaving it is no longer an option. You now have to make this work, which means rationalizing participation in everything you’ve been making fun of.
You will write or direct something “crappy but commercial” but vow that your next project will be from the heart. You will appreciate the importance of item numbers in films. You will see a numerologist, but just for kicks (because a high & mighty movie producer insists and you can’t say no!) who tells you to add five various alphabets to your name and that from that point on, you will only date “men with the initials J, P or R”. You will rent a semi-furnished apartment, but you still won’t buy your own furniture. You will think about taking a local train. You go to a club and don’t cringe when they play the latest Bollywood hit song. You stop naming Citibank, Juhu as a landmark and instead say, “Amitabh Bachchan’s house” without batting an eyelid. You will go on the Bandra flyover and marvel at the smog, which you will start calling “hazy sunshine”.
Stage Four: Depression
This stage usually occurs around the holidays. Specifically holidays you have to work through. It is often occasioned by the sight of people buying Diwali goodies and shops selling them. You will miss home, your family, your friends, and those wide roads on which you used to drive. You’ll wonder if it’s all worth it. Whether you’re beginning to watch the credits more closely than the movie. Whether “having arrived” means being married at least twice and getting horribly addicted to something and going for an Art of Living course where you’ll find true love. You will try to express this to a Bombay friend who will say, “You know, that would make a great movie!” This, more than any other phrase, is what will drive you to vipassana where no one spoke for 10 days!
Stage Five: Acceptance
When your commercial project is a hit, it will slowly dawn on you that perhaps your non-commercial ideas are non-commercial because they suck. You will actively lend your pearls of wisdom to fine tune Bollywood kitsch. You will accept that K-k-u-s-s-u-m is a legitimate spelling. You will unapologetically toss around terms like ‘item number’, ‘vada-pav’ and ‘hit and flop’. You will finally admit that you live in Bombay – even to your bank. You will go to a club and they’ll play the song for which you’ve made the video. You’ll stand on the table and dance! You will have one moment of wistfulness each time you’d drive by the sea at sunset and see a huge film poster about Loving Forever. Even though you don’t have a boyfriend or any real prospects for a relationship – initials J, P, R or otherwise.
Your house will be home to little knick-knacks you’ll start picking up on shopping sprees. Some nights you will shoot till 3 AM and leave tired and jumpy from all the tea, swearing never to have vada-pav again. And you’ll realize that somehow, despite everything, you’ve grown to like it here. And as that thought warms and frightens you, you’re going for a shoot at 4 AM on the Western Express Highway, where, amazingly, there will be a traffic jam.
***
One day, when The Town Princess thought life couldn’t be any better, it suddenly did! She fell in love with the Sexiest Bachelor Around. Everyone was shocked! Everyone watched in awe wherever the stunning couple went. Sexiest Bachelor Around was indeed that. Tall, lean, a naughty smile, an evil glint in the eye, a voice to die for and ready humor. He was ALL a girl wanted and more. He was what the girls dreamed about all over the country. His dance moves were copied by everyone. His clothes became style statements. He was keenly watched by the media and the people. He was their blue-eyed wonder boy, who couldn’t do anything wrong. Everyone loved him. And when he was suddenly seen with The Town Princess, he broke a million hearts.
They made a stunning couple. They made people stop and stare wherever they went. They always seemed enclosed in a magic circle no one could touch or reach. The Town Princess had really never been happier…
***
Wannabe Diva Actress showed up two hours late. Threw a tantrum about the clothes she was supposed to wear. Gave everyone a hard time due to some existential angst she suffered on account of Fake Bubbly Actress and was currently on a major casting couch power trip never before seen in Bollywood! Redefining the battle of the sexes her own way AND…AND… getting better and better roles as days went by as well as getting ALL roles meant for Fake Bubbly Actress. AND especially the ones opposite Sexiest Bachelor Around. Shutting up all those who criticized!
“Is he still seeing The Town Princess?” she asked the stylist.
“So we hear,” stylist replied. “You could be The Town Princess too, you know, the way your career is going,” the stylist plodded on.
“No, dah’ling!” Wannabe Diva Actress lit a cigarette and smiled. “I don’t want to be Town Princess ‘cos I’m focusing on my career seriously now. Besides, who really cares for her? Her films come and go and no one even realizes. …She’s better known for the men she sees.”
“But she does manage to see the best of the lot!” The stylist couldn’t help point out. Wannabe Diva Actress just shrugged and smoked.
That Woman got extremely irritated by this conversation. Actors always irritated her. They were a necessary evil to help the business of filmmaking thrive. They were not like normal mortals. They were an unusual combination with something vital missing and something extra added. Sexiest Bachelor Around was a case in point. He was right up there. Not as accessible as he seemed. She always felt that if you touched him he’d really turn to dust. Most others just gave that impression!
***
He was a study in persistence and charm. He’d been around for a long time. He’d been written off by many. Everyone said he had potential. But it just took ages to show up. Then one day, he sang a song and played a part. Suddenly everyone looked up and took notice! He was now the blue-eyed boy. No longer the underdog. He’d survived a public heartbreak too and became the Sexiest Bachelor Around. No, it had not been easy. And exactly why he was enjoying it so much! Yes, he had a right! He was the toast of the party circuit. He was given beautiful clothes, beautiful cars, expensive watches, and expensive toys to amuse himself with. He was smarter than others though. It wasn’t long before his paths crossed with The Town Princess. Together they blinded the world with their combined aura.
The Town Princess on the other hand was different. She’d once been a small girl in a small town dreaming of a fantasy world. Till she grew up and realized it was possible. It was possible because she looked a certain way, and hadn’t really sold her soul. Luxury brands and corporates wooed her. They wanted her to wear their clothes, their shoes, their watches, their jewellery, drive their cars, use their mobile phones, attend their parties, throw her own which they were more than willing to pay for. She loved the charmed life! She fit right into it. But she was not as cold and calculating as others in her place would be. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She believed in love. Her biggest mistake? She looked for it in actors. She’d survived two heartbreaks. She didn’t let those deter her. She held her head high and moved on. Sexiest Bachelor Around was the cherry on her fairy tale life cake.
***
That Woman had grown up on fairy tales too. And like most women her age, she considered fairy tale princesses to be air-headed bimbettes. If only they’d use their brains, they wouldn’t have to go through so much melodrama to find a man. She now had a new perspective to fairy tales. What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a savings account and moved on with her life?
Pack up! On her way out, she saw Tall Lean Superstar with a starlet, heading to his vanity van. She smiled and pretended not to notice the girl. She remembered an article on Tall Lean Superstar’s pregnant wife in a magazine. And then, there was a man standing at the door who approached her hesitantly. “Have you packed up yet?” he asked. He looked like someone who worked in a bank. “I’m here to pick up my wife.” The wife was the starlet. That Woman sighed. Lied.
“I think she’ll take another half hour.”
All in a day’s work! Bombay did that to you. It was like watching a movie preview. If the film is bad, you leave like you collectively flopped as an audience and perhaps you were having an off night.
She saw a huge hoarding of Sexiest Bachelor Around in his latest film. She smiled. He looked awesome. And him and The Town Princess looked stunning together.
***
The Town Princess’s world came crashing down around her. She had survived the first two heartbreaks. The third one left her numb and listless. Sexiest Bachelor Around broke up with her. He never was in love with her, it seemed. It was a chance relationship that had happened when the two people found themselves miraculously in the same spotlight. It was convenient. It made gossip column headlines. He was now seeing someone with whom he’d make front page headlines! He knew how to play it. He’d grown up watching it all around him. He’d learned from other actors’ mistakes. No public outbursts for him. No overt Public Displays of Affection. His booty calls never got to the press.
The Town Princess broke down. She had stupidly and idiotically not seen it coming. Not prepared herself for this. She was now a damsel in depression. She stopped going out, meeting people, being seen. Sexiest Bachelor Around sang another song, played another part and stole the limelight. No one noticed the absence of The Town Princess for some time. Then the luxury houses and the corporates realized she was missing in action. They queued up at her door. Sweet-talking, cajoling and pleading with her to get back to her old self. When this failed, they got worried, confused, and finally angry. They queued up at her door again. This time with copies of the contracts she had signed when she became The Town Princess. She didn’t have a choice. She had to ‘do the Princess’ till the contract period was over. She gave in.
***
That Woman was a bit surprised when she heard. You had to get your bearings right. Most people fell for the fairy tales without reading the caveat. And reading the caveats made you more calculating and colder. She felt bad for The Town Princess, but that was all. Her own life wasn’t all that great. She realized she had a thing for heartbreaks. She had survived a couple of them. Was embarking upon another already. She was falling in love with someone who didn’t care if she lived or died. She knew this was when her intelligence, logic and reasoning defied her. She couldn’t do a thing! It hurt worse than the worst root canal. But she couldn’t do a thing! She had dated people she didn’t particularly like. Maybe this was Bad Dating Karma catching up. Someday, you had to be on the receiving end. She laughed at herself. Just as Bombay was the irony of having read the finest literature and authors in the world and speaking only of the weather and bad roads. It was the irony of her life too. Maybe some people are never meant to have soulmates. Only a closet full of skeletons.
The cameraman shouted at her from across the room to announce he was ready. She looked around sheepishly. Breaking into such a reverie was a luxury she couldn’t afford.
***
The Town Princess was the star at a big fashion show. On the ramp. She was closing the show. She wore the extravagantly lavish bridal wear, with antique diamond jewellery and tried not think about how heavy the outfit was. The show had ended but for the finale. The lights dimmed and only the sponsor logos glowed. The spotlight came on and The Town Princess stepped on the ramp to the sound of resounding applause. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Her smile dazzled all. Everyone gasped at the brilliant outfit. No one noticed her eyes. Where her heartbreak showed.
Sitting in the front row was the guest of honor - Sexiest Bachelor Around. He never looked up at her. He seemed far too busy SMSing on his cellphone.
She wanted to run. She stopped a foot away from him. Smiled wider still for the dozens of photographers. He never looked up. She wished she could disappear. She turned and posed again. And then, slowly, she walked back on the ramp as the lights faded slowly into complete darkness.
Then all the lights came on simultaneously. Sexiest Bachelor Around applauded enthusiastically and hugged the designer. Not a hint of the past reflected.
Was it really all well just because it had ended well?
***
Bombay is one huge impending deadline and a barrage of new assignments, and if there is anyplace that will make you feel guilty for not getting around to something, it’s Bombay.
Wannabe Diva Actress sat gloating. Her new film was a hit. And to top it all, the luxury houses and corporates had started lining up at her doorstep. She was enjoying her moment in the spotlight. She was not going to go on a contract signing spree. She chose only one brand. Her reason? That was the same brand Fake Bubbly Actress endorsed too. Her agenda was all set.
Bombay allowed you to be Machiavellian. It never judged you, even though you did feel judged every moment of the day. If you came out victorious, that was all that mattered.
Bombay had time and space for everyone to have their 15 minutes of fame. No wonder the city never slept or stopped.
This was the real Mumbai Marathon.
posted by Vijayeta | 3:23 PM
50 Comments:
Absolutely agree with your deduction watson on that convert thing...did the same meself, moved from wide open spaces of Delhi to cramped up B'Bay... after 3 years even the 20 grand extra per month was not enough to keep me there..and I hankered to come back to Delhi & I did t.....or I was certain that in a fit of road rage (quite righteous on my part) I would have mowed down a couple of those bumbai busies that walk the path in b'bay..felt so hemmed in and went through all the five stages you mention here.
Just read the first part will be back to read about the Sexiest Bachelor Around and his late lateef Potential..which was just like a slow train coming...
cheers
z
Jeez...u plan to kill me the way they kill a cat, huh!!...i mean..going against my normal behaviour..i can't help wondering who TP,STB, TLS, FBA, WDS..and all are.
applause. more applause. actually standing ovation. true filmfare style.
cheers.
Though I couldn't much relate to how an outsider gets coverted to Bombay (for me, now matter how long I have been away from the city, I get into it's circadian rhythm as soon as I am back), but I assume it must be accurate...! :) It was pretty insightful.... :)
Just loved this post! :) I am enjoying the new dimensions that are being added on to The Fable :)
Keep 'em comin', babe! :)
Zofo - the hermit: You felt the same??? Wow! I did wonder if i was being too extremist. I mean, for most people it's just another city! And yes...it WAS a very long post :p I'm bad at editing. Bad? It doesnt even occur to me ;)
Michael: No, i dont intend to kill you. Your comments are most fascinating and i look forward to them :) The people? I thought i'd left enough obvious hints! There's only one "Bubbly Actress" and only one "Sexiest Bachelor" ...Get it? Now?
Lemontree: *Blushing, blushing, blushing* ...Ummm...I'd like to thank... (Lost for words!) LOL
Filmfare? They write all this in filmfare? I've never "read" it, just gawked at the pictures a few times :p
ditty: Yes. Most Bombay people wont understand the "jump". BUT you're actually one of the very few people i know who're from Bombay but like Delhi just as much. Very rare, i must say!
For some very strange reason, this is my favorite post. I loved it too, if i may say so myself :p
something like The Chronicles of Lokhandwala. ;-)
cud be a HUGE hit, da-ling! but a lot depends on casting... i denand a huge part!
;-)
GAAT YIT! :-)
Very interesting reading this Vijeyeta! Very interesting indeed. :)
CT: Not so much Lokhandwala as Film City ;) That is where the action is! And the sleaze ;) What part you'd like? Considering you just told me you found Sexiest Bachelor Around quite hot :p
Michael: Smart Grrrl! :D
blue athena: Thanksssss :p
Wow!!! Bombay is special alright. Your narratives are superlative. Thats all I have to say about that. :)
Er.. umm... I got the Bubbly Actress and Sexiset Bacherlor Around :) But who who who is Aspiring Diva Actress???? Is she the vertically challenged one?! Tell tell tell! :))
hmm... best post to date.. won't bother reading between the lines and gulp it down as it is :)
Wishfulthinker: You made my day! Hope this came quick enough to keep you amused :)
Ditty: Vertically challenged? Not really... But she's the clueless beauty pageant winner who goofed up on her question ;) ...Got it?
Codey: Coming from you...thats BIIIG! ...There is nothing between the lines this time ;)
that was meant to read "standing ovation- filmfare style" ;)
clap clap.. I love the way you have woven the darkness and the depression of every single character you have presentaed here around the picture of Bombay... Great work.
hmmm..still waiting
I wandered on to your blog from Viksters. I ended up reading most of your posts (Blogstalker alert!).
It was beautiful to see your transformation through those entries. From a sort of yuppie-angst-y blog you have transformed this into a set of beautiful pieces which are funny, poignant and engaging.
Look forward to reading more of it.
PS : Coincidentally, I wrote a review of that Marquez novella in my blog a few days back.
wow!
i loved trying to guess who everyone is!
and by the end of the comments id pretty much managed.
love ur blog...dangerously becoming a regular!
Ok, just to show how hopelessly out of touch I am with Bollywood gossip, I had no clue who most of these people were. Except for Sexiest Bachelor, whose perceived sexiness I just don't get.
But I'm so happy for That Woman, she seems to be really going places professionally.
As for the transition, speaking as one who has negotiated life as a transplant for the last 5 years, it really helps to have friends who have a similar sense of adventure and wonder for a new city. Loving a new place is not to love the old one less.
oh, i'd assumed ADA to be the vertically challenged one too:D Now i know, now i know:) can't stand her, btw.
as always, fantastic post!
totally identify with the five stages bit. i moved to bombay from delhi a few years ago & went thru pretty much the same. only difference, i was making ads only my parents managed to catch instead of TV shows.
OK, i know who sexiest bachelor around is (and i soooo disagree) & have a fair idea about aspiring diva actress. little foggy on town princess. give some hints vij. like first names. or at least initials?
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Lemontree: NOW i get it... :D
kd: Bombay does that to me :( I'm a different person altogether in Delhi! ...But, glad you liked!
VG: ;)
reviewer "devil" extraordinaire: Welcome to Sacred Insanity :) I went to your blog. Liked 'Rain' :)
Khizzy: Big hello to you! As i told you before, i love people from Pak. :) My friends there? ...Ummm...Would you know Vinnie, ZQ, Umar and Mohsin Sayeed, Nomi and Emmad... Wonderful, wonderful people :D
thalassa_mikra: Bollywood gossip can be quite sickening, honestly. There's only so much sleaze one can stomach in a day :( You're right about friends. I moved here with my best friend, and that has just made it that much easier.
But, Delhi still is the rocking-est place for me :D
Shilpa: LOL! No one can stand her, but watch her by the end of this year!
Girl in Pink: Town Princess...ummm... Since you're into advertising...Town Princess did a major jewellery brand campaign :) ...Does that help?
:p
Oooh la la...As Amit Varma would have put it "Fun came";-)Vij dear has her finger on the pulse...aka queen bee from stardust might I say...
But wail wail wail:-( dumb as i am when it comes to taking hints(no pun intended)...me not able to place town princess(Woh kaun thi??)...for that matter am even a bit doubtful bout Sexiest Bachelor.Mind clandestinely whispering the names to me...i promise not to put them up on my blog;-)
And hooo dont get all condescending bout my city ok???But well I kinda agree with ya..;-)Just the "Me Mumbaikar" hangover happenin..
pink, you were going to be who i was going to call on the town princess. and now i know even you dont know. this advertising campaign bit leads to just one really pretty person and then that doesnt make sense. as in i didnt for the life of me know she had a scene with sexiest bachelor. now i am dying here.
v- please help.
outstanding vij!!!
we've been going nuts in my office trying to figure everyone out; not to mention the long distance calls flying all over :)
so..
1. does the town princess actually stay in town?
2. is her second name with 's'?
3. if not, what does her second name start with?!
nm
ps) beware, lemon has sinister plans on you
Hmmm...
Was wondering if there was any other way in which these fairy tales typically end? In tinseltown? ... And maybe otherwise as well?
:)
lemon & i spoke. we feel town princess is a certain beautiful ex miss planet crown winner who has appeared on a certain north american non-caucasian person's show. ahem!
and the aspiring chick...two words: fraud - king.
ms perpetrator of this madness, vij: are we right?
Lemon & Pink, Its definitely not the described Ex Miss Planet.
nm
Sublime Thoughts: Umm...who's Amit Varma (Please to excuse my ignorance :( ) And what pulse? As i said, all in a day's work! I'm so not getting condescending about your great city...i'm becoming a convert!
Swear on vada-pav ;)
Lemontree: Laughed and laughed at the curiousity of you girls! Feeling really wicked now ;) But please dont die, you'll soon figure! ...Okay, another hint - If you know who Sexiest Bachelor Around is...try recall his last relationships... The name might just tumble out! :D
NM: She used to stay in 'town'. Has now bought apartment in suburbs and lives happily there.
Aaaand, dear god, yes! Her last name does begin with 'S'!
Great going! I suspect you might just have got it ;)
Willothewisp: Alas, there isn't! I wish, i wish, i wish they did end differently though... Would do anything to live in a perfect world. I would... :(
By the way, where have you disappeared? :(
Girl in Pink: No! No! No! You got it all wrong! ...That one really never had anything to do with Sexiest Bachelor... LOL! But yes, You got Wannabe Diva right! Smart Girl, you! :)
NM: You rock! ;)
Absolutely poignant, ironic and introspective! in all truth, enjoyed this piece more than all others. I want to say it was fun...but there is too much detached, non-judgmental sarcasm (non-sarcasm?) in it for me to call it just fun...though it was fun too.
i am so out of touch with bollywood...even though i am trying real hard to keep it. who is sexiest bachelor? abhishek bacchan? (i hear he is being called sexy now a days) and bubbly actress...they seem to bubble? who? who?
ok v believe it or not logged on from home (which i rarely do) to figure out more clues. and nm you put the bug in my head ;(
anyhow now that its all been figured out will sleep easy.
!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok i reread the post with the names this time. ya i am a little obsessive to say the least :)
anyhow this which is far more important i missed the first time: that woman is falling in love. is that man the lucky but totally undeserving object? pray take care
Smriti: You're still my most favorite critic :-* And yes, Aby Bachchan is sexxxy as hell! But i've a softer spot for John Abraham. ...Have you seen him in a suit and tie??? ...Sex on Toast!!
Lemontree: Well... i've a problem sleeping or doing anything else if there's unanswered questions in my head. And not exixtential ones like, What's the meaning of life? But, stuff exactly like this! Grrrr!!! So, i know how you'd have felt. And feeling now...now that you KNOW!
Also, as for falling in love...watch this space ;) ...But you said it - UNDESERVING!
;)
The story about the princess sure was like a fairytale.. tell me, am I missing something here? I feel i do..
Heylo spinner of tales - just dropping into your comments box to let you know that I drop in and catch my dose of fables every once in a while! Keep 'em coming babe - me loves them!
oi, you don't sleep at all kya?
Hey Vij, you are well on your way to becoming a Bombay convert..in a few years like all good Bombayites i expect you to develop a visceral hatred of Delhi :)
and Bandra is Bandra..once you live there can you live anywhere else?.
Also the whole B'wood scene IMHO has improved a lot in recent years with sensible films like Iqbal, Page 3, Haazaron, plus RGV and Ammir Khan films..come on..things are getting better aren't they?..you should totally make that film about Urban angst...i would so totally watch it if you include plenty of shots of Bandra in it.:)
oh yeah u need to drop a few more hints..really..i could only get the putative sexiest bachelor i think (blech) ...
care to help vij (or lemontree who seems to have figured it out..at least drop some initals..please?)
best of luck with the object of your affection...
now i'm really depressed. bad viji. very bad.
B'Bay is akin to the Big Apple in that it loves 'winners', and like NewYork it houses millions who far from being winners, don't ever get to the finish line. However, they run their race at the same feverish pace pursuing a dream; their raison d'etre.
Great post.
Me: Do YOU think you're missing something? ;)
Geetanjali: Heylo to you too! And thanks a tonne for the comments. The Fables will continue...definitely! :)
Codey: Nooo :( (And neither do you, i feel!) Insomnia! Check the time when most of these posts have been put up :(
ex_bandra_boy: No. Hating Delhi? Finding it visceral? NO! ...But you're right, Bandra rocks! As for Bollywood, I LOVE IT! I love it with all its bad movies, good movies, copied movies...EVERYTHING!
Bluegreenflysplat: Awww! Why? :(
id it is: I agree. That's what i meant when i said "hit the ground running". Thanks :)
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Having lived about 20 years of my life in Bombay I can identify so much with this.
And this post almost seems like Page 3 - revisited.
Very well written and the adventures of That Woman will definitely make me come back for more. Mind if I link you in my blog.:)
RT: Thanks so much :) By all means, go ahead and link! :)
You are such a rockstar! :)
Now let me go read the post again and figure out, who all these people are! :)
Primalsoup: Thanksss fellow "chick" blogger :D
Ok, even clueless me has managed to tease out the identities of most of them (nothing a little googling can't fix). But what I'm really intrigued by is Tall Lean Superstar. I have a guess, which, if correct, surprises me immensely. Is he the light-eyed one?
Thalassa_Mikra: And i thought i was good at cryptic clues :( SIGH! You're right, he's the light eyed one. ...But then, there ARE aquite a few light eyed ones ;) WHICH one?
Let's see, the one whose first co-star was involved in some legal tangles recently. Whose m-i-l is an interior designer of sorts. Am I correct? If true, it's amazing because I saw an interview he did with his wife, pronouncing his undying love for her, and how she was the only woman he'd ever loved and la ti da.
The starlet, now I'm really being fanciful, but is she a Bong woman who's till now been mostly on TV?
Thalassa_mikra: Bingo! But starlet, no, she's not appeared on TV or any film, yet. :)
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