The Sucker, the Bitch and the Wardrobe (Fable-Pt. 10)

If you’re lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) you might one day run into a certain type of woman in Bombay. Or New Delhi. Like a constantly migrating bird, she’s always on the go. Not in the mundane laptop lugging, Filofax-filled way. This woman travels from one city to another attending glamorous parties, schmoozing with the right people, “working on” the right men. She has carefully crafted Multiple Personalities to suit varying moods, men and changes in wardrobe. Unlike other humans, she doesn’t live/exist. She plans/operates.
Meet the Ruthless Ambitious Golddigger.
(Drumroll please!)
Ruthless Ambitious Golddigger (RAG) arrives at Bombay airport. She’s recently broken up with the son of a rich politician in Delhi. Her luggage – bright orange, monogrammed Hermes – is on the trolley. She’s wearing tight fitting Louis Vuitton jeans with a crisp white linen shirt, a Chopard watch and toting a Fendi bag. She’s broke. Yes. But she’s quite resilient. She spotted an opportunity on the plane. And that opportunity was right there waiting for his car.
Zeroing on him as Potential Sucker she approaches him just as his white Mercedes pulls up beside him.
“Hi!” she dazzled him with her smile and charm. He was taken off-guard. “My driver’s stuck in traffic somewhere…”
And before he knew what hit him RAG and her Hermes luggage were not only crawling into the city in his company-paid-for Merc, he was already asking her out to dinner that night.
“Tonight’s out, darling,” she smiled vulnerably. “I just want to sleep for the longest time! …How about, we meet for a drink tomorrow?”
“That sounds perfect!” Potential Sucker smiled, exchanged numbers and dropped her in front of an apartment building in Juhu.

That Woman was talking to Nikhil, an old friend, “RAG’s in town,” she told him. “I’m having lunch with her tomorrow.”
“RAG!” Nikhil exclaimed. “Oh my God! Is she still alive? …Still attractive? Still as dangerous?”
“Why are men so stupid?” That Woman sighed.
Nikhil went on, undaunted, “There aren’t very many girls like RAG. She’s smart, you know, and really funny and very bold. She’s incredible! You keep running into girls like this and you wonder about their mystery and allure… Their sexual power is like this amazing, dazzling force that can change your life, you think, if you can touch it, which you cant, which -- ”
That Woman hung up on him.

RAG and she were in school together. RAG went to a different college afterwards and got a degree in Communications. Worked at a news channel for a year before giving it all up for the fabulous life she now led. That Woman still kept in touch with her out of sheer loyalty to the boarding school sorority.
That Woman now sat at Olive sipping her Kiwi Margarita, listening to RAG’s story. “M was a nightmare,” she sighed delicately, referring to the rich politician’s son. “It was in the papers and by the end of it, I was so sick of it all…”
“I heard about it,” That Woman said. “So what next? …Will you be in Bombay for a while?”
“Well…not decided yet,” RAG shrugged. “You tell me? Are you finally seeing someone? Or still belligerently single?”
That Woman laughed. “Not belligerently single… But you know the people I’ve been dating. Value Added Man, Boring Arrogant Man… Oh, did you know That Man’s seeing Annoying Aspiring Actress?”
“Oh god! …Since when did she start dating the likes of That Man? …She can’t even hold a conversation intelligently. I still remember once I ran into her at the airport, waiting for a flight, and she said, I love reading. I can sit and read a magazine from cover-to-cover at a stretch!”
“But she’s been with everybody!” That Woman remarked. “Including That Man!”
“Oh please, babes!” RAG said. “I don’t care about that. If a woman wants to sleep with a man, makes the choice, it’s her business. But A.A.A.’s not a good person. She’s cruel.” RAG was quiet for a moment. “She asks for gifts like diamonds. And cash. There are lots of rich men out there who take pity. These actors with their millions. They’ll write a check for an obscene amount. Sometimes just to go away. That flat she has in Bandra? It belonged to Famous Action Hero. He’d let her stay there briefly when she was evicted from her apartment and had no money. And then, before he could see what was coming, she refused to vacate his apartment. Gave him much hell about it. She knew he would avoid publicity at all cost. So the last option was to let her have the apartment.”
That Woman gasped. “I didn’t know that!”
“Oh please,” RAG looked at her sharply. “Don’t be so shocked! You always were such a naïve, sweet thing! …But then, you’ve always had a career. Even if you were starving, you’ve had a career. Women like A.A.A. and I, we don’t want to work. I’ve always just wanted to live. …But that doesn’t mean it’s easy,” she paused to light a cigarette. “How many times have I called you, crying, no money, wondering what I was going to do, where I was going to go next. Men promise things and don’t deliver. And you’ve to deal with that. So in return for what you offer – and you always offer more than sex – it’s perfectly alright to accept all those gifts.”
“Well, money does make the world go round,” That Woman shrugged. She had helped RAG pack her bags and change apartments a number of times. It was things like a Bulgari watch, a Cartier necklace, Tiffany jewels, Louis Vuitton bags, apart from having all her bills paid, her expenses taken care of and luxurious European vacations.
“Nooo!” RAG laughed. “It’s actually sex. Think about it. What do people do when they get money? They buy things and services that will attract sex partners, don’t they? Sports cars, nice clothes, plastic surgery, fancy apartments… They’re all trying to go up the corporate ladder. They’re all extremely lonely. They all hate their jobs. But will they give it up?”

That Woman remembered a conversation with Boring Arrogant Man. He’d said exactly that! And he was so stuck in the corporate rut that he was afraid and unsure of stepping out of it. That’s the only way he knew to make a living. It was his career. And anything beyond that were only just dreams and any step taken towards their realization was a step into the Great Unknown.
So what happened to most men like that? They saw hope in the form of RAG and others of her ilk. An intelligent, attractive woman who could make great conversation, was with him at the end of a long day, make him laugh, hold his hand on long drives, go away with him to cozy retreats for long weekends, was good in bed… Kept at bay the dark depressing loneliness that would otherwise be gnawing at his soul. We’re all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings. But it never really happens that way. Reality was… coming home to an empty apartment. Drained. Trying to thwart your woes with rock music playing loud enough to drown the voices in your head. Looking for mood enhancers like alcohol and soft-drugs… But if you had someone like RAG it was purely another add-on. A better distraction. Which they didn’t mind paying for. Money is power and sex is power. Therefore getting money for sex was just an exchange of power. …And RAG was not just sex, she was companionship. Even though for a moment.

“And men are not fools, much as they’d have us believe that! They want their money’s worth …And you’ve got to keep up. With the clothes and the body. The smart wardrobe, trendy accessories, the gym membership, spas. It’s expensive. I read a lot too. And not magazines! You know that!” RAG winked at That Woman who knew how well-read and intelligent RAG was. She could discuss and debate about politics, science, literature, art and philosophy. She was sharp as a tack, but kept it carefully under wraps.

That Woman remembered an incident at one of the Fashion Week parties. RAG was then seeing Hot-Shot Industrialist. The conversation somehow veered towards dreams and RAG held forth, talking about an interesting article she’d read in the New York Times about Freud. Hot-Shot Industrialist joined the conversation midway and looked at RAG “You know about Freud?” he asked, bemused.
And That Woman saw RAG transform. “Of course, darling!” She giggled and took a sip of champagne from his glass. “He’s dead!” And Hot-Shot Industrialist laughed out loud and put his arm around her shoulders indulgently.
That Woman cringed. But later, RAG laughed it off saying, “Occupational hazard, babes! I’ve to be non-threatening. He knows I’ve a functioning mind. He doesn’t want to see it up on public display!”

“It is sex, not money that makes the world go round, sweetie!” RAG’s voice shook That Woman out of her reverie.
And armed with that newfound knowledge, That Woman left Olive. Her phone rang.
“So you had lunch with RAG?” asked K, journalist friend.
“How did you know? Was it on the news?” That Woman joked, although it didn’t come as a surprise. Most men somehow knew RAG’s whereabouts.
“Last I saw her was when she was with this designer friend of mine! God, she’s a bitch! He was so deeply hurt when she left him for that hotelier! She got him to give her an entire haute couture wardrobe. Worth lakhs! And she still has the cheek to wear those clothes all over town,” K said bitterly.
“Well, that’s how she is, isn’t she? That hotelier got into a drug habit ‘cos he ended up funding hers!” That Woman informed.
“Has she ever been with any of your close friends?” K asked.
“Of course she has! …Ruined him completely,” That Woman confessed. “Apart from leaving his mind a jumbled wreck she also caused huge damage to his bank account. He’s just about recovered. It’s been more than a year now!”
“Well…” K sighed. “I wonder what men see in her?”
He hung up and That Woman called Best Friend to report events of the day. “Did she tell you M dumped her ‘cos he found out she was sleeping with that Argentinean polo player? In his house! And he walked in on them and caught them in flagrante.”
“Oh!” That Woman was surprised. “She told me she dumped him.”
“Yeah RIGHT!” Best Friend laughed.
“Anyway, how does it matter? She’s already working on someone new!” That Woman dropped the bomb. “Potential Sucker,” she told her. “He’s the C.E.O. of a TV network! And he’s desperately wooing her, even as we speak!”
“Well… What are you doing today?”
“Just paid rent and all the bills this morning… I’m depressed, and broke!” That Woman sighed. “I think I’ll go shopping. I can do with new sandals.”
“Oh yeah, babes! We are very shallow people. The world won’t care if you’ve paid your electricity bill or not. But it would definitely notice if you walk out in new stilettos!”

And that pearl of wisdom led That Woman to Inorbit Mall, which cheered her up instantly. Decided to stall buying shoes till a little later, she walked into Crossword to buy books. Where, dressed in beige linen pants, white vest and an open denim shirt was That Man!
“We do meet at odd places, don’t we?” he grinned, hugging her.
“Bookshops are not odd places. Maybe you should come here more often!” she remarked.
“I would now, since you are a regular here,” he grinned disarmingly.
“I am not, actually. I came here to buy shoes!” she confessed.
“Oh! They sold shoes at Crossword? Must be the world’s best kept secret! Where, do they stock though?”
She couldn’t help laughing. “Charles & Keith,” she said. “But you’ve to buy books first to be able to enter that place!”
“Ah! Interesting!” he picked up 4 books he’d selected. She saw the names and was suitably impressed. But didn’t show it. “Mind if I accompany you? I’m done here.”
“Give me 10 minutes,” she said and took out her cell phone to refer to the list of books she needed to buy.
“A woman who makes to-do lists on her phone,” he sighed. “We really are in the 21st century, aren’t we?”
“Shut up!” And she emerged 10 minutes later with the books she wanted. “Do you know RAG?” She asked as she paid.
“Everyone knows RAG!” He smirked. “Heard she was back in Bombay,” he remarked and That Woman kept quiet wondering why men would want to keep track of RAG’s life so minutely.
“Why do men want to date someone like her?”
“To paraphrase John Lennon, RAG is what happens to us, while other women are making other plans!” he raised an eyebrow wickedly.
“Yeah right!” She gave him a look.
“Its true,” he looked at her smugly. “Most men are in a Desperate Housewives kind of situation! I know the guy RAG’s meeting this evening. He SMS’d me to tell me about her. Good friend… but extremely accident prone.” he shrugged.
“I had lunch with her this afternoon,” she confessed sheepishly.
He looked at her, surprised. “Verrry fascinating!” he drawled, smiling slowly.
“Oh yeah…” she was looking at a pair of 4 inch white and gold strappy stilettos in the window of Charles & Keith. That Man was forgotten as she stepped into the store and picked up the sandals to try them on.
They were fabulous. They talked to her. They flattered her. They made her look taller and slimmer. They made the world around her look so wonderful. They promised eternal happiness. They promised never to let her down. They promised, always, always to make her feel like a goddess; in sickness or in health. For better or worse…
She turned to look at That Man. He took a step back and looked at the sandals. His phone rang just then. “I’m at Charles & Keith… met a friend here,” he said and smiled at her. “They’re fabulous!”
That Woman stood looking at the sandals in the mirror, feeling happier than ever. The sandals were juuust perfect. And the next moment, two things happened simultaneously.
She saw the price tag. (It was exactly half the rent she paid!) And she saw Annoying Aspiring Actress appear with at least ten bags of shopping. And she definitely didn’t look like she had paid for it herself.
“Hiii!” she trilled as she saw That Woman. “Oooh, awesome sandals, sweetie! I’ll pick these up too!” she looked at That Man who smiled indulgently. And she wondered when was the last time RAG or AAA had ever paid any bills or any sort of other expenses on their own?
That Woman was seething with rage now. She took the sandals off. Debating whether to buy those or not. She knew these would be gone by next month. AAA picked them up and tried them on. They were the only pair available.
It was one of those deep, life-changing moments for That Woman when someone else’s words of wisdom made infinite sense. Today was Douglas Adams… “Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course… I despise you all.” And she especially despised AAA at that moment. And what was money (or sandals that cost the same as half her monthly rent) when you were trying to prove a point. As much to yourself as to the two idiots before you.
“I’m taking those,” she smiled sweetly and sarcastically at AAA. And then, trying not to think of her bank statement, she pulled out her card and paid. But it was worth it. Worth every penny! The joy of knowing that it was her hard earned money giving her solace and comfort in these trying times. “My Christmas present!” she added as she picked up the bag with the sandals. She felt really happy.
“Hang on!” That Man had followed her out of the store. “We’re really good at making snap judgments, aren’t we?”
“And we’re really good at making inanimate objects seem like our life support system, aren’t we?” she cooed right back. “Awesome things a credit card can do. Right?”
“Well, I would have had to give her Christmas presents. …So I figured why not let her shop for them herself. Saves me the trouble of thinking!” He justified.
That Woman shook her head and laughed! “I wasn’t talking about her,” she said sweetly, tilting her head to one side. “I was talking about me and my new shoes! …But it’s each to his own, I guess?” His face fell.
“Touché!” he said sheepishly.
“Merry Christmas, then!” she said graciously and walked away, smiling.
Happy. Content. In the moment…

Younger Men, Wrong Men and Nasty Thoughts - (Fable: Pt 9)

God made man. Then, God made woman. Then we all know what happened which included a serpent and an apple etc. But after all that passed, God made the "Younger Man". And I strongly feel that this part of the story was always held back from us. I suspect, Younger Man took a bite of that apple too. If you know what I mean... And assuming you do, I shall go on!

An insanely early Monday morning. That Woman’s struggling to keep awake while simultaneously trying to look intelligent and thinking up questions that are vaguely coherent. It’s a meeting with the channel and the sponsors. One that she’s been through millions of times. One that she didn’t need to be in. But HAD to. She stifled a yawn, reached into her bag and took out the blue aviators. And just as she was putting them on, she caught Cool Ad Guy wink and grin at her.
“You might like it with an extra shot of espresso?” Came a bright, chirpy voice from behind her when she ordered a cappuccino. Cool Ad Guy. He leaned forward, closer to her ear and grinned again. “Oldest trick in the book!”
“An extra shot of espresso?” she really didn’t get it. He laughed out aloud. Then pulled out his own blue tinted shades from his pocket and put them on.
“May I join the Sleepy Haze Club?”
Ah! Now she got it. And laughed back with him. “I thought I was the only one who did that,” she admitted.
“Well, so did I,” he lit a cigarette. “Life’s a great leveler, isn’t it?”
She smiled, looking at him strangely. He was like that charming, deliciously evil guy from the Samsung ad.

Cool Ad Guy – Once Over…
Low rise Caramel colored corduroys. Red Levi’s T-shirt. A dark blue denim jacket over it. Red canvas sneakers. Short wavy hair casually gelled back. Stubble. And the blue tinted glasses. About 6’ tall. Lean. And about all of 20!

She tried to focus on the meeting but was constantly distracted by Cool Ad Guy. Okay, so what was with the existential philosophy, at 9AM? Also, he was actually the only other person in the entire coffee shop who wore shades. And that was a bit unnerving. Watching her signature statement being plagiarized right under her nose. Yes, life indeed was a great leveler. And wasn’t she being terribly petty and superficial?
God! What was wrong with her? She quickly brought herself back to reality. Meandering was ok. But meandering into things like this?
“Will you put that all in an email and send it to me ASAP? So we can get the ball rolling,” The most intelligent words uttered by her yet. This was called Crafty Camouflage. A few sentences, which could be spoken anytime during a meeting or discussion to make it look like you were really paying attention.
“Your e-mail?” Cool Ad Guy quipped and promptly handed her his card.
She reciprocated with one of hers. Definitely not more than 20!
Soon as the meeting got over, Cool Ad Guy was forgotten and she had moved on to more significant things.

The Jazz Festival. Date with Boring Arrogant Man. (B.A.M. - On the evolutionary ladder, on the same plane as Value Added Man but not Metrosexual.)
Bad idea! Both, the jazz festival and Boring Arrogant Man. They walked in late and just one of the reasons was that he wanted to park his car himself.
Her phone rang right then. So she headed to the restroom. “Yup!”
“Oh its youuuu…” whined her editor from the other end. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. Was calling someone else actually!”
“Well…” she hung up, irritated. Then decided to brush her hair.
“HEYYYYY!!!” a shrill voice trilled behind her. “Long time!” It was Annoying Aspiring Actress she’d once shot with.
“Yes! How’ve you been? And how’s work? Not seen much of you on TV, though,” she couldn’t resist that barb.
“Sweetie, I’m on Page 3 ALL the time!” A.A.A. leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “I’m sort of dating this guy…and he goes to all these cool parties ‘cos he’s in the restaurant business…and his first cousin’s a movie producer.” She adjusted her translucent barely there top to reveal maximum artificial cleavage. Then bent down to touch up the bronzer on her legs. She wore gold tie-up stilettos and a really short skirt.
“Wow!” That Woman forced a smile. “Great… See ya later!”

Boring Arrogant Man was on the phone outside. She smiled at him and went in, hoping to catch the fag end of the concert. Her phone beeped. An SMS.
“R U here? Saw someone who looked like u.” Cool Ad Guy.
“Where?” she shot back, looking around. Cool Ad Guy scampered from somewhere in the crowd, bypassed Boring Arrogant Man and stood before her. Grinning so disarmingly, she laughed.
“Hi!” he chirped brightly. “What are you doing here? It’s terribly boring! I came with my dad!” and he scrunched up his nose in a rather boyish way. Maybe 21. 22? Maybe.
“I’m here on a date,” she confided.
“With him?” he hinted at B.A.M hovering close-by, still on the phone. She nodded. “Dump him. You can do much better!” She was dying to say I think so too, but bit her tongue. “Hey, isn’t that chick that tart of a social climber?” He asked. She followed his gaze and saw Annoying Aspiring Actress.
“Who’s she with?” she suddenly got cattily curious and Cool Ad Guy giggled as they tried to peer through the crowd and saw her cling on to a guy. She was stunned speechless!
That Man!
“Hey, sorry about that,” B.A.M. came up to her. “Important work call.”
“Oh, it’s ok! I met a friend,” she introduced Cool Ad Guy to him who then went to get her a drink. And just then the concert ended.
She found her gaze moving towards That Man. A.A.A. was clinging to his arm and he bent down to kiss her cheek. And then…he turned and looked straight at That Woman. It took her exactly 5 seconds to change her expression from disdain to surprise to coolly aloof!
And it took That Man exactly 10 seconds to change his expression from shock, to even greater shock, to mild embarrassment to sheepishly friendly grin!
“You know him?” Cool Ad Guy asked, amused.
She nodded as That Man walked up to her. Followed by Annoying Aspiring Actress.
“Hello! …What a surprise finding you here!” he leaned forward and hugged her.
She gave him her million dollar smile. “I’m here on a date,” she informed him. He glanced at Cool Ad Guy and she didn’t want to tell him the date was actually Boring Arrogant Man. “You…?” she glanced disdainfully at Annoying Aspiring Actress and fixed him with an icy gaze.
“Oh… Yeah… I’m here with a friend,” he hoped A.A.A wouldn’t hear that. But she did as she came up to them and clung cloyingly to That Man’s arm and smiled sweetly at That Woman.
“He’s the guy you told me about earlier?” That Woman asked her politely.
“Yes,” said A.A.A. and smiled. And then, much to That Woman’s delight, she ruffled That Man’s hair, “Isn’t he so cute!”
He squirmed and winced. The unbearable burden of his own cuteness.
That Woman caught Cool Ad Guy’s eye and grinned. That Man excused himself on the pretext of getting them drinks. That Woman found B.A.M. chatting animatedly to 2 very old men. The kind you want to (and should) call venerable old gentlemen!
“God, he’s such a bore!” she couldn’t help saying and inadvertently began a comedy of errors. Or…The Battle of the Bitches. Depending on the way you looked at it.
A.A.A. took that remark to be directed at That Man. “Have we met before?” she asked Cool Ad Guy.
“Not that I remember…” he shrugged. That Man returned with a drink for A.A.A. and That Woman.
“Oh I do!” she insisted. “You were an Assistant Director on that coffee ad I was in, two years ago!” She looked up at That Man, looking surprised. “He was such a baby on the sets then. The youngest I think!” And then she gave the battle cry. “I mean, you still are so young! …No wonder you need a babysitter around!” she looked at That Woman and laughed out loud.
That Woman looked at her shocked!
“Oh…now I know!” Cool Ad Guy spoke up sharply. “That ad! But it didn’t have YOU in it?” he narrowed his eyes, trying to remember, and then his face brightened up. “Unless you were one of those 6-7 other girls playing buddy to the main lead? …Hey! Of course now I place you. You WERE one of them!” He laughed out loud and so did That Woman.
“So how long have you guys been dating?” She looked pointedly at That Man and asked. He evaded the question.
“We just met… a week ago,” he mumbled. That Woman got an SMS.
“She is pissing me off!” it was from Cool Ad Guy. Without looking at him she typed back a quick reply. “Me too! You did a great job snubbing her! Thanks!”
“Do I now qualify for a real date with you?” He shot back a reply in a flash.
She smiled. Looked at A.A.A. and went for a raw nerve. “By the way, I’m casting for a music video. It’s going to be part of a film starring John Abraham. Need a tall sweet looking girl who can dance well and act a bit too.” And she paused for effect. “Someone like you actually, but…with dark hair…none of these blonde streaks…”
And at that exact moment, A.A.A. was squirming inwardly to ask for the date, time and venue of the auditions. This was exactly the kind of break she was looking for. And she could dance quite well too, because she took classes!
Cool Ad Guy piped in promptly, “But we need someone younger for that…”
A.A.A. snapped back in action. “Sweetie, just because you’re not out of the crib yet, doesn’t mean the rest of the world is that old!”
That Woman gave her a withering look and turned her full attention to That Man. “So, what have you been up to?” Payback time!
“You tell me!” he grinned at her. “Last time we met, you’d set an alarm and you slipped away so quietly.”
“Come on… As if it bothered you that much!” she smiled sweetly.
“It did…till you sent me that SMS… a week later!”
“Ah! That SMS,” she smiled looking evasive, “Have you seen his fabulous B & O home theater system?” she asked A.A.A. who looked like she hadn’t. “That’s what he uses as a bait to lure women into his den,” she told Cool Ad Guy and grinned.
That Man got a call just then and he moved away from them. A.A.A. couldn’t let that moment pass. “So you got lured by a home theater system?”
“Only till the time we watched Shrek, honey!” That Woman smiled sweetly.
That Man returned. She finished her drink and smiled at him. “I was just going to tell her about those lovely paintings in your bedroom. And how that orange colored wall sets them off so well, especially when you dim the lights and rest your head on those down pillows and look at it…” she handed him her empty glass and smiled. A.A.A.’s face fell.
Cool Ad Guy took That Woman’s hand and they walked away. To Boring Arrogant Man.
“I’m really sorry,” he looked at her smugly. “But I saw you with friends…”
“Oh yes! It’s a small world,” she smiled.
Her phone beeped again. SMS from Cool Ad Guy. “Almost forgot I came here with dad! Let’s do brunch, Sunday?”
She smiled. Typed a “Sure thing!” and pressed send.
The phone beeped again. An SMS from That Man. “Before you reach a hasty conclusion, let me add… If anyone is babysitting, it’s me.”
She smirked. “Liar! Liar! Pants on fire ;-)”
“Lunch, Sunday?”
“Already have plans with someone… Sorry!” And somehow typing those words and sending them made her feel really, truly wonderful. For some inexplicable reason.
“Shall I get you a drink?” B.A.M. asked her politely and she shook her head.
“Already had one too many! I’m working tomorrow.”
“On a Saturday?” he looked genuinely shocked.
“Yup!”
“Whoa! I thought my job was crazy!” he was an investment banker.
“Well… Guess it happens to all of us…” God! She was running out of things to say. And this had been the general drift of the conversation they’d had all evening and a few times prior to that.

12:30 PM. Sunday morning.
A cell phone on silent mode with 8 missed calls and 3 messages. That Woman was still in bed, having returned at about 3 AM from edits. She shielded her eyes from the light streaming in from the windows and frowned. Suddenly she remembered! Brunch with Cool Ad Guy! But he hadn’t specified where? And what time exactly? And most of all…she was too tired to go anywhere. She picked up her phone and went through the missed calls. 4 were from Cool Ad Guy. Shit! He must have been waiting. 1 from Boring Arrogant Man. Why? Oh, Why? 1 from Annoying Aspiring Actress. Gawd! She’ll never give up! And 2 from her best friend.
She got out of bed, wondering what to say to Cool Ad Guy. How old WAS he, really? Her doorbell rang just as she stepped out of the bathroom and she winced as she walked to answer it.
“Didn’t want to step out of the house, did you? And you wanted to lie to me, but couldn’t ‘cos you remembered how sweet and charming I was. And my missed calls made you feel guilty, didn’t they?” Cool Ad Guy standing at her doorstep with a bottle of wine, a pizza, yellow gerberas and the newspaper.
Cool Ad Guy – Once Over…
Low rise light blue jeans. White T-shirt with a bright turquoise print. Red canvas sneakers. Short wavy hair casually gelled back. Stubble. And the blue tinted glasses. How old WAS he…?
“And you can ask me in once you stop checking me out!” he grinned. She stared at him incredulously.
“Hi!”
He laughed. “Hi! …And was I right, or was I right about you planning to lie to me?”
“You were right!” she admitted. “But hey, how’d you know where I live?”
“You know,” he sat down on the couch and carefully placed all the things on the table, “it’s not difficult to find out. We do have common friends!”
He picked up the empty vase on her dining table, walked into the kitchen and filled it with water and neatly arranged the flowers into it. She simply stared at his ease and comfort around her house. And that too in the first 10 minutes!
“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked her.
“Oh! No…no…” and then she realized she was still in her track pants. “I’ll be right out,” she scampered inside her room to change. Came out wearing jeans and a bright pink T-shirt. She’d also added a quick dash of kajal and lip gloss.
He was in the kitchen. Making coffee. She couldn’t believe it!
“So how’ve you been? I’m happy to know you survived your Friday date!” he winked.
“So am I. Hey, Annoying Aspiring Actress called me today. Missed call, though. And I don’t want to call her back.”
“Good idea!” he grinned, pouring the coffee in two mugs and handing her one. “So how’s work?”
“Great!”
“How’s life in general?”
“Well…good too,” she sat on the floor cushion sipping her coffee.
“Ok…” he frowned, “What else? …How’s your love life?”
“Well… quite pathetic actually!”
“Yes! I saw what you went out with!” he looked at her disapprovingly and she laughed. God, he was cute! But how old… How old… “Do you like the coffee?”
“How old are you?” It shot out before she could check herself.
“24,” he answered pat. “And you are…twenty-something…?” he raised an eyebrow cutely.
She nodded. “Twenty-something! Right!” What do you think you are doing? Hiding your age like those ditzy actresses trying to look younger by getting constant plastic surgery.
“27” she said, wishing she was 26, at least. Shut up! If you are 27, you are 27!
“Shall I open the wine?” he asked.
“Sure!”
And thus began the Sunday brunch!
“So do you think A.A.A. is really seeing that guy?” he asked.
Vicious gossip for the next hour about random actresses, models and people they knew. Followed by a mushy movie marathon. Starting with Love Actually. Stopping midway to realize Cool Ad Guy was crying. She was too, but she pretended otherwise as she looked at him and grinned. He grinned back too, albeit sheepishly and she felt something in her heart for him.
What? …Oh no! NO! …Not those thoughts… Please God, nooooo…
She looked away, staring at the TV. Deliberately not looking at him. The film ended. Their hands brushed as they both reached out for the box of tissues. She looked at him. Her heart cringed. He still looked so sheepish.
No. No. No. Don’t. You can’t think like that! You’re a modern, independent, educated girl! You can’t, should not, will not think like that. Of course, you can date a guy 3 years younger… You can. You can. You can.
“What happened?” he asked her.
“Nothing. …You just…well…you just feel like a younger brother!” she blurted.
How can you? How can you? HOW.CAN.YOU. And even if you THOUGHT so, why did you SAY it? God, he’s so cute! SO. DAMN. CUTE. And you’ve got to spoil it all…by saying something stupid…like he seems like a younger brother!

“Well…” he stared at her seriously. “In that case…what’s your take on incest?”
Her phone beeped. An SMS from That Man.
“If second thoughts strike about Sunday plans… Just SOS!”