The Sucker, the Bitch and the Wardrobe (Fable-Pt. 10)

If you’re lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) you might one day run into a certain type of woman in Bombay. Or New Delhi. Like a constantly migrating bird, she’s always on the go. Not in the mundane laptop lugging, Filofax-filled way. This woman travels from one city to another attending glamorous parties, schmoozing with the right people, “working on” the right men. She has carefully crafted Multiple Personalities to suit varying moods, men and changes in wardrobe. Unlike other humans, she doesn’t live/exist. She plans/operates.
Meet the Ruthless Ambitious Golddigger.
(Drumroll please!)
Ruthless Ambitious Golddigger (RAG) arrives at Bombay airport. She’s recently broken up with the son of a rich politician in Delhi. Her luggage – bright orange, monogrammed Hermes – is on the trolley. She’s wearing tight fitting Louis Vuitton jeans with a crisp white linen shirt, a Chopard watch and toting a Fendi bag. She’s broke. Yes. But she’s quite resilient. She spotted an opportunity on the plane. And that opportunity was right there waiting for his car.
Zeroing on him as Potential Sucker she approaches him just as his white Mercedes pulls up beside him.
“Hi!” she dazzled him with her smile and charm. He was taken off-guard. “My driver’s stuck in traffic somewhere…”
And before he knew what hit him RAG and her Hermes luggage were not only crawling into the city in his company-paid-for Merc, he was already asking her out to dinner that night.
“Tonight’s out, darling,” she smiled vulnerably. “I just want to sleep for the longest time! …How about, we meet for a drink tomorrow?”
“That sounds perfect!” Potential Sucker smiled, exchanged numbers and dropped her in front of an apartment building in Juhu.

That Woman was talking to Nikhil, an old friend, “RAG’s in town,” she told him. “I’m having lunch with her tomorrow.”
“RAG!” Nikhil exclaimed. “Oh my God! Is she still alive? …Still attractive? Still as dangerous?”
“Why are men so stupid?” That Woman sighed.
Nikhil went on, undaunted, “There aren’t very many girls like RAG. She’s smart, you know, and really funny and very bold. She’s incredible! You keep running into girls like this and you wonder about their mystery and allure… Their sexual power is like this amazing, dazzling force that can change your life, you think, if you can touch it, which you cant, which -- ”
That Woman hung up on him.

RAG and she were in school together. RAG went to a different college afterwards and got a degree in Communications. Worked at a news channel for a year before giving it all up for the fabulous life she now led. That Woman still kept in touch with her out of sheer loyalty to the boarding school sorority.
That Woman now sat at Olive sipping her Kiwi Margarita, listening to RAG’s story. “M was a nightmare,” she sighed delicately, referring to the rich politician’s son. “It was in the papers and by the end of it, I was so sick of it all…”
“I heard about it,” That Woman said. “So what next? …Will you be in Bombay for a while?”
“Well…not decided yet,” RAG shrugged. “You tell me? Are you finally seeing someone? Or still belligerently single?”
That Woman laughed. “Not belligerently single… But you know the people I’ve been dating. Value Added Man, Boring Arrogant Man… Oh, did you know That Man’s seeing Annoying Aspiring Actress?”
“Oh god! …Since when did she start dating the likes of That Man? …She can’t even hold a conversation intelligently. I still remember once I ran into her at the airport, waiting for a flight, and she said, I love reading. I can sit and read a magazine from cover-to-cover at a stretch!”
“But she’s been with everybody!” That Woman remarked. “Including That Man!”
“Oh please, babes!” RAG said. “I don’t care about that. If a woman wants to sleep with a man, makes the choice, it’s her business. But A.A.A.’s not a good person. She’s cruel.” RAG was quiet for a moment. “She asks for gifts like diamonds. And cash. There are lots of rich men out there who take pity. These actors with their millions. They’ll write a check for an obscene amount. Sometimes just to go away. That flat she has in Bandra? It belonged to Famous Action Hero. He’d let her stay there briefly when she was evicted from her apartment and had no money. And then, before he could see what was coming, she refused to vacate his apartment. Gave him much hell about it. She knew he would avoid publicity at all cost. So the last option was to let her have the apartment.”
That Woman gasped. “I didn’t know that!”
“Oh please,” RAG looked at her sharply. “Don’t be so shocked! You always were such a naïve, sweet thing! …But then, you’ve always had a career. Even if you were starving, you’ve had a career. Women like A.A.A. and I, we don’t want to work. I’ve always just wanted to live. …But that doesn’t mean it’s easy,” she paused to light a cigarette. “How many times have I called you, crying, no money, wondering what I was going to do, where I was going to go next. Men promise things and don’t deliver. And you’ve to deal with that. So in return for what you offer – and you always offer more than sex – it’s perfectly alright to accept all those gifts.”
“Well, money does make the world go round,” That Woman shrugged. She had helped RAG pack her bags and change apartments a number of times. It was things like a Bulgari watch, a Cartier necklace, Tiffany jewels, Louis Vuitton bags, apart from having all her bills paid, her expenses taken care of and luxurious European vacations.
“Nooo!” RAG laughed. “It’s actually sex. Think about it. What do people do when they get money? They buy things and services that will attract sex partners, don’t they? Sports cars, nice clothes, plastic surgery, fancy apartments… They’re all trying to go up the corporate ladder. They’re all extremely lonely. They all hate their jobs. But will they give it up?”

That Woman remembered a conversation with Boring Arrogant Man. He’d said exactly that! And he was so stuck in the corporate rut that he was afraid and unsure of stepping out of it. That’s the only way he knew to make a living. It was his career. And anything beyond that were only just dreams and any step taken towards their realization was a step into the Great Unknown.
So what happened to most men like that? They saw hope in the form of RAG and others of her ilk. An intelligent, attractive woman who could make great conversation, was with him at the end of a long day, make him laugh, hold his hand on long drives, go away with him to cozy retreats for long weekends, was good in bed… Kept at bay the dark depressing loneliness that would otherwise be gnawing at his soul. We’re all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings. But it never really happens that way. Reality was… coming home to an empty apartment. Drained. Trying to thwart your woes with rock music playing loud enough to drown the voices in your head. Looking for mood enhancers like alcohol and soft-drugs… But if you had someone like RAG it was purely another add-on. A better distraction. Which they didn’t mind paying for. Money is power and sex is power. Therefore getting money for sex was just an exchange of power. …And RAG was not just sex, she was companionship. Even though for a moment.

“And men are not fools, much as they’d have us believe that! They want their money’s worth …And you’ve got to keep up. With the clothes and the body. The smart wardrobe, trendy accessories, the gym membership, spas. It’s expensive. I read a lot too. And not magazines! You know that!” RAG winked at That Woman who knew how well-read and intelligent RAG was. She could discuss and debate about politics, science, literature, art and philosophy. She was sharp as a tack, but kept it carefully under wraps.

That Woman remembered an incident at one of the Fashion Week parties. RAG was then seeing Hot-Shot Industrialist. The conversation somehow veered towards dreams and RAG held forth, talking about an interesting article she’d read in the New York Times about Freud. Hot-Shot Industrialist joined the conversation midway and looked at RAG “You know about Freud?” he asked, bemused.
And That Woman saw RAG transform. “Of course, darling!” She giggled and took a sip of champagne from his glass. “He’s dead!” And Hot-Shot Industrialist laughed out loud and put his arm around her shoulders indulgently.
That Woman cringed. But later, RAG laughed it off saying, “Occupational hazard, babes! I’ve to be non-threatening. He knows I’ve a functioning mind. He doesn’t want to see it up on public display!”

“It is sex, not money that makes the world go round, sweetie!” RAG’s voice shook That Woman out of her reverie.
And armed with that newfound knowledge, That Woman left Olive. Her phone rang.
“So you had lunch with RAG?” asked K, journalist friend.
“How did you know? Was it on the news?” That Woman joked, although it didn’t come as a surprise. Most men somehow knew RAG’s whereabouts.
“Last I saw her was when she was with this designer friend of mine! God, she’s a bitch! He was so deeply hurt when she left him for that hotelier! She got him to give her an entire haute couture wardrobe. Worth lakhs! And she still has the cheek to wear those clothes all over town,” K said bitterly.
“Well, that’s how she is, isn’t she? That hotelier got into a drug habit ‘cos he ended up funding hers!” That Woman informed.
“Has she ever been with any of your close friends?” K asked.
“Of course she has! …Ruined him completely,” That Woman confessed. “Apart from leaving his mind a jumbled wreck she also caused huge damage to his bank account. He’s just about recovered. It’s been more than a year now!”
“Well…” K sighed. “I wonder what men see in her?”
He hung up and That Woman called Best Friend to report events of the day. “Did she tell you M dumped her ‘cos he found out she was sleeping with that Argentinean polo player? In his house! And he walked in on them and caught them in flagrante.”
“Oh!” That Woman was surprised. “She told me she dumped him.”
“Yeah RIGHT!” Best Friend laughed.
“Anyway, how does it matter? She’s already working on someone new!” That Woman dropped the bomb. “Potential Sucker,” she told her. “He’s the C.E.O. of a TV network! And he’s desperately wooing her, even as we speak!”
“Well… What are you doing today?”
“Just paid rent and all the bills this morning… I’m depressed, and broke!” That Woman sighed. “I think I’ll go shopping. I can do with new sandals.”
“Oh yeah, babes! We are very shallow people. The world won’t care if you’ve paid your electricity bill or not. But it would definitely notice if you walk out in new stilettos!”

And that pearl of wisdom led That Woman to Inorbit Mall, which cheered her up instantly. Decided to stall buying shoes till a little later, she walked into Crossword to buy books. Where, dressed in beige linen pants, white vest and an open denim shirt was That Man!
“We do meet at odd places, don’t we?” he grinned, hugging her.
“Bookshops are not odd places. Maybe you should come here more often!” she remarked.
“I would now, since you are a regular here,” he grinned disarmingly.
“I am not, actually. I came here to buy shoes!” she confessed.
“Oh! They sold shoes at Crossword? Must be the world’s best kept secret! Where, do they stock though?”
She couldn’t help laughing. “Charles & Keith,” she said. “But you’ve to buy books first to be able to enter that place!”
“Ah! Interesting!” he picked up 4 books he’d selected. She saw the names and was suitably impressed. But didn’t show it. “Mind if I accompany you? I’m done here.”
“Give me 10 minutes,” she said and took out her cell phone to refer to the list of books she needed to buy.
“A woman who makes to-do lists on her phone,” he sighed. “We really are in the 21st century, aren’t we?”
“Shut up!” And she emerged 10 minutes later with the books she wanted. “Do you know RAG?” She asked as she paid.
“Everyone knows RAG!” He smirked. “Heard she was back in Bombay,” he remarked and That Woman kept quiet wondering why men would want to keep track of RAG’s life so minutely.
“Why do men want to date someone like her?”
“To paraphrase John Lennon, RAG is what happens to us, while other women are making other plans!” he raised an eyebrow wickedly.
“Yeah right!” She gave him a look.
“Its true,” he looked at her smugly. “Most men are in a Desperate Housewives kind of situation! I know the guy RAG’s meeting this evening. He SMS’d me to tell me about her. Good friend… but extremely accident prone.” he shrugged.
“I had lunch with her this afternoon,” she confessed sheepishly.
He looked at her, surprised. “Verrry fascinating!” he drawled, smiling slowly.
“Oh yeah…” she was looking at a pair of 4 inch white and gold strappy stilettos in the window of Charles & Keith. That Man was forgotten as she stepped into the store and picked up the sandals to try them on.
They were fabulous. They talked to her. They flattered her. They made her look taller and slimmer. They made the world around her look so wonderful. They promised eternal happiness. They promised never to let her down. They promised, always, always to make her feel like a goddess; in sickness or in health. For better or worse…
She turned to look at That Man. He took a step back and looked at the sandals. His phone rang just then. “I’m at Charles & Keith… met a friend here,” he said and smiled at her. “They’re fabulous!”
That Woman stood looking at the sandals in the mirror, feeling happier than ever. The sandals were juuust perfect. And the next moment, two things happened simultaneously.
She saw the price tag. (It was exactly half the rent she paid!) And she saw Annoying Aspiring Actress appear with at least ten bags of shopping. And she definitely didn’t look like she had paid for it herself.
“Hiii!” she trilled as she saw That Woman. “Oooh, awesome sandals, sweetie! I’ll pick these up too!” she looked at That Man who smiled indulgently. And she wondered when was the last time RAG or AAA had ever paid any bills or any sort of other expenses on their own?
That Woman was seething with rage now. She took the sandals off. Debating whether to buy those or not. She knew these would be gone by next month. AAA picked them up and tried them on. They were the only pair available.
It was one of those deep, life-changing moments for That Woman when someone else’s words of wisdom made infinite sense. Today was Douglas Adams… “Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course… I despise you all.” And she especially despised AAA at that moment. And what was money (or sandals that cost the same as half her monthly rent) when you were trying to prove a point. As much to yourself as to the two idiots before you.
“I’m taking those,” she smiled sweetly and sarcastically at AAA. And then, trying not to think of her bank statement, she pulled out her card and paid. But it was worth it. Worth every penny! The joy of knowing that it was her hard earned money giving her solace and comfort in these trying times. “My Christmas present!” she added as she picked up the bag with the sandals. She felt really happy.
“Hang on!” That Man had followed her out of the store. “We’re really good at making snap judgments, aren’t we?”
“And we’re really good at making inanimate objects seem like our life support system, aren’t we?” she cooed right back. “Awesome things a credit card can do. Right?”
“Well, I would have had to give her Christmas presents. …So I figured why not let her shop for them herself. Saves me the trouble of thinking!” He justified.
That Woman shook her head and laughed! “I wasn’t talking about her,” she said sweetly, tilting her head to one side. “I was talking about me and my new shoes! …But it’s each to his own, I guess?” His face fell.
“Touché!” he said sheepishly.
“Merry Christmas, then!” she said graciously and walked away, smiling.
Happy. Content. In the moment…